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Friday, February 21, 2014

My Answer to the Baby Question

It seems that once a gal finds her prince charming, has her fairytale wedding, and settles comfortably into married life for about a month, people start asking questions a mile a minute. "When are you going to start a family?" "Is there a bun in the oven yet?" You know, when I was your age I had a two year old and another one on the way." "Aren't you pregnant yet--it's been {insert a vague amount of years here}".

I was really conflicted about publishing this post. As a matter of fact it's been sitting in my drafts for a couple of months now. 

Mostly because for the entire year and a half the hubby and I have been married, people have been asking me when we plan to start a family and I'm not sure how to answer.  Do I tell them that we don't know where hubby will even be a month from now or four months or six? Do I blame our finances and the fact that we barely have our feet under us as it is? Do I tell them that we've been apart for eighteen out of the thirty months we've spent as a couple (and will most likely be separated again) and are just now enjoying our time as newlyweds? Do I tell them that, as someone who has suffered three miscarriages during that time, I'm somewhat fearful that children are not a possibility for us?


Do I even tell them any of this at all? The answer is no, I don't. Usually I just smile politely, grit my teeth, and say, "What? Are you really asking me about our sex life?". (Actually that's what I'd love to say, instead I mumble something about 'not yet' or 'all in good time' or in extreme cases 'seriously? you asked me this last month') I know that part of the reason I'm so cagey about this question is because I would LOVE to have a little one all our own. I can't wait until I'm posting pregnancy updates on Facebook and inundating all of my lovely bloggy friends, with weekly baby bump updates and birth stories and weekly editions of Bringing Up Baby T. However, Zach and I have agreed that this is just not the right time for us to start growing our little family. 

Does the military play a part in our decision? Most definitely. Our main concern is definitely how much time Zach would be absent in our child's life whether because of deployments, training or just the 10 to 12 hours a day he spends at work. As of right now the next two years here in Hawaii will be chalked full of unannounced trainings and deployments and because of some health issues I've experienced, it just isn't safe for me to attempt the pregnancy journey completely by myself.

Which then begs the question, if Zach was deployed or at a school at the time, would I return home during my pregnancy? We are very wary of the military medical center here in Hawaii and would much prefer our baby to be born in a hospital on the mainland. (I'm aware that we could visit a civilian hospital here in Hawaii, but to be frank they scare me so that's pretty much out of the question). Then comes the question which 'home' would I spend my pregnancy--Montana, New Hampshire, Wisconsin? Zach, of course, prefers his home state (MT) since that's where his family is, but at that point I would rather stay here and take my chances. 

I think it's an understatement for me to say that if I had to choose between two evils, I'd much rather Zach be gone for the pregnancy than for the birth and first few months. I really don't want him to miss the first part of his child's life--I don't want him to come home and have his little one not recognize him.  

As much as I know that with the military there is no perfect time to start a family, I'm fairly happy with our decision to wait until after we leave Hawaii. However, if the Lord sees fit to surprise us with a number three to add to our family, I would absolutely love that too. All in all, we have come to realize that all of our planning and perfect timing is nothing when compared to His plans and His timing. 

And every day I remind myself that all good things come to those who wait. So I guess we'll have to wait and see what's in store for us. 

(Disclaimer: Just in case it was not clear from all of the above, we are not pregnant. So don't ask or I will definitely know you didn't read everything!)


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Friday, February 21, 2014

My Answer to the Baby Question

It seems that once a gal finds her prince charming, has her fairytale wedding, and settles comfortably into married life for about a month, people start asking questions a mile a minute. "When are you going to start a family?" "Is there a bun in the oven yet?" You know, when I was your age I had a two year old and another one on the way." "Aren't you pregnant yet--it's been {insert a vague amount of years here}".

I was really conflicted about publishing this post. As a matter of fact it's been sitting in my drafts for a couple of months now. 

Mostly because for the entire year and a half the hubby and I have been married, people have been asking me when we plan to start a family and I'm not sure how to answer.  Do I tell them that we don't know where hubby will even be a month from now or four months or six? Do I blame our finances and the fact that we barely have our feet under us as it is? Do I tell them that we've been apart for eighteen out of the thirty months we've spent as a couple (and will most likely be separated again) and are just now enjoying our time as newlyweds? Do I tell them that, as someone who has suffered three miscarriages during that time, I'm somewhat fearful that children are not a possibility for us?


Do I even tell them any of this at all? The answer is no, I don't. Usually I just smile politely, grit my teeth, and say, "What? Are you really asking me about our sex life?". (Actually that's what I'd love to say, instead I mumble something about 'not yet' or 'all in good time' or in extreme cases 'seriously? you asked me this last month') I know that part of the reason I'm so cagey about this question is because I would LOVE to have a little one all our own. I can't wait until I'm posting pregnancy updates on Facebook and inundating all of my lovely bloggy friends, with weekly baby bump updates and birth stories and weekly editions of Bringing Up Baby T. However, Zach and I have agreed that this is just not the right time for us to start growing our little family. 

Does the military play a part in our decision? Most definitely. Our main concern is definitely how much time Zach would be absent in our child's life whether because of deployments, training or just the 10 to 12 hours a day he spends at work. As of right now the next two years here in Hawaii will be chalked full of unannounced trainings and deployments and because of some health issues I've experienced, it just isn't safe for me to attempt the pregnancy journey completely by myself.

Which then begs the question, if Zach was deployed or at a school at the time, would I return home during my pregnancy? We are very wary of the military medical center here in Hawaii and would much prefer our baby to be born in a hospital on the mainland. (I'm aware that we could visit a civilian hospital here in Hawaii, but to be frank they scare me so that's pretty much out of the question). Then comes the question which 'home' would I spend my pregnancy--Montana, New Hampshire, Wisconsin? Zach, of course, prefers his home state (MT) since that's where his family is, but at that point I would rather stay here and take my chances. 

I think it's an understatement for me to say that if I had to choose between two evils, I'd much rather Zach be gone for the pregnancy than for the birth and first few months. I really don't want him to miss the first part of his child's life--I don't want him to come home and have his little one not recognize him.  

As much as I know that with the military there is no perfect time to start a family, I'm fairly happy with our decision to wait until after we leave Hawaii. However, if the Lord sees fit to surprise us with a number three to add to our family, I would absolutely love that too. All in all, we have come to realize that all of our planning and perfect timing is nothing when compared to His plans and His timing. 

And every day I remind myself that all good things come to those who wait. So I guess we'll have to wait and see what's in store for us. 

(Disclaimer: Just in case it was not clear from all of the above, we are not pregnant. So don't ask or I will definitely know you didn't read everything!)


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Your comments warm my heart!! Leave one for me and I PROMISE to email you back (unless you're a no-reply blogger in which case please fix that)!!